I have this Spotify playlist.
“Listen kid, your life is about to change forever.”
The description of the playlist is as follows: just take a breath and enjoy the now. watch the sunset from your porch and take night drives down the highway and remember who you are in this very moment. you will never get this back.
Turns out I was right about the title. Life did change. Drastically.
One year ago today I graduated college, so sure that if I could simply secure a career path, I would never deal with uncertainty again. (Please join me in laughing at this naïve child…)
One year ago I drove down the freeway in Tennessee, blasting my Spotify playlist and crying until the street lights became blurry. Today I listen to the same playlist in my apartment in France, feeling the same emotions yet unable to bring myself to tears (not for lack of want).
Will I carry this feeling with me year after year?
Change + Uncertainty = ???? (Depends on who you ask.)
Change and uncertainty have defined my first year out of college. The result to this equation? Gratitude. The divine beauty of the path I am on has never been more apparent to me. I am so grateful for the experiences and (more importantly) the people I have encountered. These precious souls I never would have known if I had not, one year ago, taken a leap of faith and stepped out of my comfort zone into a place I wasn’t sure I wanted to be.
I realize that almost every single thing I wanted a year ago never worked out. The jobs I applied for, the relationships I pursued, everything. Looking back, I am so thankful for that. I learned so much during that time–lessons that have become invaluable to me.
I learned to find value in myself and others. That we are all a mix of sinful humans and creatures created in the glorious image of God.
I learned to let open myself up to love and vulnerability. And I learned that true love (on our part) demands the uncertainty of reciprocity.
If I had not been honest with myself, pushed myself and trusted that God would work in my life despite my own failures, I have no doubt that I would not be where I am.
Perhaps uncertainty is the path we must tread in order to live with an open heart and true faith. There are so many things we cannot and will not ever know, so we must be open. Thus in the midst of these same emotions, I will remember this one certainty: I have a peace that “surpasses all understanding.”